Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Randomize
