Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
