I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Randomize