dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
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