yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
