how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
