mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
