dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Never underestimate the power of titties
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