dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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