Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Randomize
