dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
My hand turned me down
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Then you guys just all showered together...?
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
