I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
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