Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
