I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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