shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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