Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
