I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
