Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
