Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
