the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize
