why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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