Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
