you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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