i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
