Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
