Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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