apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
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