She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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