you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
