PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
