dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
