Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
