that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Randomize
