Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
