I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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