I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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