yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
God, I missed his penis.
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