i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
