i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Randomize
