her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
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