i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Randomize
