my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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