You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
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