So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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