Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Randomize
