we're chasing vodka with high fives
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
