Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
