Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
