Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
