**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Randomize
