he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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