i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
