They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
