Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Randomize
