I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
