There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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