Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
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