It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Randomize
