Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Damn victory sex feels great
Randomize