he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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