I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
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