im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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