Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
