I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Randomize
