i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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