Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
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