Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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