yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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