if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Randomize
