im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
