You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
