i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Randomize
