shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
