you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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