the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
It's official drugs can't kill me
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
