Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
