I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
I smell like Dick and happiness
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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