i permit you to call me
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize