I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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