Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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