Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
