I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
