yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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